


unknown caller

by strawburry



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst sorry, Flashbacks, M/M, Panic Attacks, bokuaka but past tense, bokuroo if u squint, im so sorry, implied suicide, not sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:48:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24761845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawburry/pseuds/strawburry
Summary: “akaashi has to deal with anxiety alone his last year of high school” or something like thatprompt from omegle- i know omegle- wild
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 3
Kudos: 39





	unknown caller

**Author's Note:**

> just a reminder that this work has triggers so if you’re uncomfortable with that please dont read it, your mental health matters!!
> 
> triggers: anxiety, anxiety/panic attacks, suicide, implied suicide

akaashi was expecting it to hurt, he was expecting to stumble without the crutch that was bokuto. what he wasn't expecting was to fall, to spiral so out of control that he would be sitting in his room on a tuesday morning with the black out curtains drawn and his door locked, refusing to go to school. even before bokuto, akaashi could take his meds, breathe, act indifferent and make it through the day. he hated himself for becoming so reliant on bokuto. he hated himself for missing all that was bokuto, from the lingering touches that he could melt into to the boisterous, loud laughter that he found himself smiling to, bokuto had become a safe haven, but now he was gone. akaashi had long since quit the volleyball team, he knew he was good and he loved the sport but doing it without bokuto seemed impossible- it was impossible. 

the next time akaashi had tried to go to school he ended up on the rooftop, hands shaking as they reached for his phone, that familiar yet uncomfortable pressure that was ever present on his chest amplified and palms sweaty enough that his phone slipped as he opened his texts. akaashi bent down to grab his phone, knees shaking, he sat down on the concrete. 

if he thought hard enough he could feel bokuto sitting behind him, strong arms wrapped around his waist and chest, pressing kisses to his neck and ears, and face rubbing akaashi’s head, murmuring past events that brought akaashi down, ground him to earth, he could smell bokuto, melt into his touch, kiss back and relax, making the panic dissipate. but bokuto wasn’t here. akaashi was still shaking, looking for anything to distract himself he opened the first chat he could.

Bokuto-san  
>>Hi bokuto, i was wondering if maybe i could call you  
>>please let me know  
>>or call me  
sent 12:35pm

akaashi tried to breathe how he had learned from that video, 4 seconds in, hold, 4 seconds out, hold, repeat. it felt like hours but he was still shaking, the ball in his throat only growing and the squeezing in his chest worsened. he checked his phone again. 

Bokuto-san  
>>Hi bokuto, i was wondering if maybe i could call you  
>>please let me know  
>>or call me  
read 12:37pm

akaashi didn't leave the rooftop until 2pm, when his attack had mellowed out, it was still on going, but he could will himself to not look like he was being torn apart, he could look presentable.

that night akaashi couldnt sleep, he tossed and turned and stared at his phone screen

Bokuto-san  
>>Hi bokuto, i was wondering if maybe i could call you  
>>please let me know  
>>or call me  
read 12:37pm

he re read it over and over again, just making sure it really said “read” and he wasn’t suddenly dyslexic. he opened his contacts.

triing triing triing triing

the call was picked up on the third ring

“hello?” the voice on the other side was groggy and unfamiliar, akaashi furrowed his eyebrows in the dark.

“hello?? is anyone there?”  
“yes, hi, is bokuto-san there?”  
“oh? bo? yeah, he’s here, why whats up?”  
“i was wondering if i could speak with him”  
“uhm, who is this?”

at that akaashi was filled with dread, hadn’t his name appeared on the screen? had bokuto erased all traces of him?

“hello, are you still there, i asked who you are”  
“yes, hi my name is akaashi keiji.”  
“its an akaashi”

there was a muffled noise of understanding and what sounded like a small groan.

“hey, hey, akaashi, what’s up? why the late night call?”  
“oh hi bokuto-san, i was wondering if you saw my messages earlier today?”  
“oh, those, yeah i did, but i was a bit caught up”  
“caught up with what?”

that came out more defensive then akaashi had meant it.

“school and my job. why do you sound so defensive akaashi?”  
“i- i didn’t intend to, i apologize”  
“yeah, sorry i couldn't call you, i have a busy life”

akaashi winced a little at that, he was unsure of what to say back

“well, i guess if thats it, im kind of busy.”

akaashi snaped back 

“bokuto-san, did you ever love me? why now suddenly are you ignoring me? did i do something wrong? you know i need you right?”

there was a silence so deafening it almost killed akaashi, chest squeezing and head pounding as he waited for an answer

“that was high school, this is now”

akaashi felt his heart being torn

“you know, i didn't think you cared for me all that much keiji” 

god was bokuto wrong

“it always felt like only i put into the relationship, like i was responsible for you.”

akaashi, you’re a liability 

“you know, that’s kind of toxic”

akaashi, no one really wants you around

“but it was fun while it lasted”

all you do is bother people

the words were muffled, but was it still bokuto? surely he would never say something like this to him

just go

it sounded like he was under water

just stop

the beep of the call ending brought akaashi to realize that those were in fact tears on his cheek

when did he start crying?

had he made noise?

he let his phone screen dim and then turn off

if he closed his eyes really tight he could imagine bokuto’s arms wrapped around, leg draped over his thighs and face buried in his kneck, breath tickling him. he could turn around and inhale bokuto’s scent, trace his arms, his chest, his face, press kisses against his warm skin.

akaashi sighed contentedly as he felt the pill bottle fall from his grasp and his consciousness start to fade. this was okay.

tomorrow he could go out with bokuto for icecream, hold his hand and play with his hair, he could taste the chocolate on his tounge and feel the gel in his hair. 

he sighed contentedly, tomorrow.


End file.
